


It Wasn’t Gay Porn, Jerk

by ojangel



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Beverly is awesome, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie doesn’t die, F/M, First Kiss, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Highschool AU, Homophobic Slurs, I wanted to add more Mike and Ben but I didn’t know how :(, Jealousy, Lowkey Bill bullying lol, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Stan is too, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Underage Drinking, hopeless boys, idiots to lovers, no pennywise, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-16 14:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20848238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ojangel/pseuds/ojangel
Summary: “What’s up with you lately?” Eddie asks, hopping onto the counter with practised ease.Richie shouldn’t say anything, but, “I heard you. And Bill, that day in the clubhouse.” He lowers his voice. “You were kissing.”





	1. a not so useful guide to navigating your (not-so-straight) feelings, by Richie. T

**Author's Note:**

> this isn’t kaspbrough i swear lol

_How could a heart like yours_

_ever love a heart like mine?_

* * *

“Close yuh-your eyes.”

Richie stilled at the familiar sound of Bill’s stutter and briefly wondered who was in there with him. Probably Bev, they were kind-of-dating-kind-of-not at the moment, and the clubhouse was a perfect place to make out without her dad catching them.

“I’m gonna t-try something. Don’t f-fr-freak out, oh-okay?”

Hesitating, Richie moved closer to the hole in the ground. It definitely was impolite to listen, but he was curious - how did people act when they were kissing? Did they do it silently, the only sound being soft sighs of content with each touch of lips? Richie doesn’t know if he could ever be that quiet, even if he got a kiss out of it.

Bill probably goes all red and stutters through a bunch of praise, while Beverly would laugh and act confident despite having no clue what to do, either. Richie wonders what another mouth tastes like. Toothpaste? Probably in the morning.

Eddie probably always tastes like toothpaste, Richie thinks and then curses himself for doing so.

“Wait,” a new voice says. Richie’s brows raise in surprise. It wasn’t Bev down there, then, but Eddie. He should’ve just stopped eavesdropping and gone down there by that point, but something stopped him. “How do I know you’re not gonna give me a wet willy or something equally as gross?”

“I-I’m not ah-actually R-R-Richie, remember?” Bill simply says. “Now, cluh-close your eyes!”

Richie can imagine Eddie rolling them instead, which makes him smile slightly. “Fine. Happy? Now, what are you gonna—“

There’s a wet sound that makes Richie’s heart drop to his stomach, and then nothing for a beat. Two, three, four. Then, “That was my first kiss, Bill.”

“Sorry,” Bill replies, sounding so sincere that the urge in Richie to punch him almost eases. “Was it any g-good?”

More silence. Richie crosses his fingers and wishes for something that he doesn’t deserve. “I don’t have anything to compare it to,” Eddie starts. Richie squeezes his eyes shut. “It was nice, I guess... Was it good for you?”

“Yuh-yeah.”

They both sound so fucking embarrassed. Richie’s cheeks feel wet with tears. Gross, he thinks, standing up.

When Eddie asks to do it again, Richie runs out of there so quickly he briefly thinks to use the boy’s spare inhaler that he keeps in his pocket. But he doesn’t, because Eddie would get mad if he did, even though it doesn’t fucking work, anyway. Fuck. Richie only stops when he reaches the arcade, leaning against the dirty brick wall. He wipes the stickiness from his face and pretends it’s only sweat.

*

He doesn’t stop thinking about it. It’s impossible not to, not with Eddie and stupid fucking Bill making heart-eyes at each other whenever they’re together (which is like, always, by the way). Not to mention, that stuttering asshole is still stringing Bev along as if he’s not just another disgusting fucking— Anyway. Richie feels like shit about it all, so his jokes go flat and his dumb voices stop, and everyone notices. It sucks, and he can’t even explain why he’s so sulky without outing Eddie to the losers and that would just make everything worse because Eddie deserves better.

Eddie deserves to do it in his own time. Bill, too, Richie supposes. His own worse nightmare is somebody telling, even if he’s not queer himself. So he bottles up the secret that he wasn't supposed to know, and suffers in silence (or at least what his idea of silence is because he still can’t shut up for the life of him). He watches his best friends fall in love a little bit with each day and doesn’t mention it.

Or, at least, he doesn’t for two weeks. It’s Eddie’s fifteenth birthday, and they’re all squeezed together on the secondhand couch from Bill’s basement. Richie is next to Eddie like he always is, and their thighs are touching and their shoulders are touching and they’re so close that it feels like he’s burning from the inside out. Bill is on the other side, with Eddie’s head resting on his shoulder. Richie feels like crying again.

He’s felt like that a lot recently. He doesn’t even know why and couldn’t put it into words if he tried. Ever since finding out about. That.

It’s just, Eddie is _his_ best friend. Spaghetti and Trashmouth up against the world. Best bros. His Eds. So, he just doesn’t get it. Obviously it was their first kiss, and Eddie had never shown much inclination towards liking Bill in that way before. Richie decides that Eddie was probably figuring out he liked boys, and Bill simply volunteered to help him out. Yeah, that makes sense. Yet... Why didn’t Eddie tell Richie? Why hasn’t he told Richie? They’re supposed to tell each other everything, the good and the bad.

Richie told Eddie when he had his first crush, even if Eddie had never asked. Richie told Eddie about his dreams, his thoughts, his soul. They’re supposed to be like brothers - except, maybe not, because thinking of himself as Eddie’s brother makes Richie’s skin crawl. Maybe Eddie had only ever tolerated him and was never fully honest about everything. Maybe Eddie has lots of secrets that he doesn’t tell Richie because he thinks Richie will just blurt it out to everyone else. Maybe, maybe, maybe—

“Are you okay?” Eddie whispers, interrupting his thoughts. Right. The movie. Eddie’s birthday. “You were zoning out.”

“I was thinking about your mother,” Richie says out of the corner of his mouth. Eddie moves his head from Bill’s shoulder. Thank God. “Do you wanna get more snacks?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. There is still a bowl of chips on the coffee table, and Richie hasn’t come close to finishing his coke. But, whatever. Eddie does agree though.

The two of them wander to Bill’s kitchen together, shoulders knocking as they walk. Richie wants to grab his hand, but he knows he can’t. He doesn’t know why he wants to, anyway.

“What’s up with you lately?” Eddie asks, hopping onto the counter with practised ease.

Richie shouldn’t say anything, but, “I heard you. And Bill, that day in the clubhouse.” He lowers his voice. “You were kissing.”

Eddie’s cheeks turn a delicious pink colour. “That’s why you’re so down?” he says, shy.

“Yeah,” Richie admits. “It’s just.” He pauses and glances at Eddie. Eddie, with his strangely hopeful eyes and pretty lips. “I was confused about why you hadn’t told me. You know you can trust me, right? About, you know, the whole gay thing.”

“Oh.” Eddie’s face falls, which makes Richie think he just messed something up. “I’m still confused about it myself, s’all.”

That makes sense, he supposes. “So, is Bill like your boyfriend?”

He lets out a little bark of laughter at that. Richie stares at the floor. “Definitely not. I don’t - I like someone else.”

“Who?”

“This, um. Guy. He’s in our English class.”

Immediately every single guy in that class enters Richie’s brain. He starts organising them into a list, from most likely to least likely. Don, Adrian, Matt, Jason, him, Ben— Wait. Why did he put himself before Ben? Probably because Ben’s pining for Beverly still, even after all these years. Eddie would never have a crush on someone so obviously in love with somebody else.

“That’s good,” Richie says because nothing else comes to mind. Eddie plays with the ring on his pinkie, obviously uncomfortable. Richie suddenly feels like a shitty friend. “I should have minded my own business. Sorry for making you come out, and stuff. Especially on your birthday.”

Eddie shrugs. The air around them is tense, awkward. Richie hates it. “I was gonna tell everyone soon, anyway. My ma already knows, she found this magazine under my mattress and—“

“I don’t really want to hear about your gay porn, Eds,” Richie interrupts, grinning.

“Don’t fucking call me that, you jerk. And it wasn’t gay porn, it was some magazine with naked women in it that I took from your room. She found it, said masturbating was disgusting, and I said I hadn’t masturbated to it because I didn’t even like girls. She thought that was worse.”

*

Things mostly go back to normal after that. Richie realises the looks shared between Eddie and Bill are ones of friendship, of Eddie’s gratefulness for keeping his secret, because he starts sending them Richie’s way as well. Nobody else notices, and when Eddie does eventually come out to the rest of the losers - almost three months, later - none of them had seen it coming.

Not even Bev, which Richie had been surprised about. He’d privately assumed Bill had told her about the kiss, considering they were sort of boyfriend and girlfriend, but he hadn’t. Maybe he wasn’t a stuttering asshole, after all.

Eddie grows out his hair a little too and even lets Richie play with it sometimes. Ben plaits it for him, and Stan asks if he’s just trying to rebel against his ma. Eddie admits he is, which is how Richie realises he’s in love with him.

They’re at the clubhouse, which is a bit ironic. Richie is laying in the hammock, Eddie reading an old comic beside him, with the rest of their friends scattered around the small space. Ben is doing his homework with Stan, Mike is talking to Bill and Beverly about some new movie. Things are peaceful, and that’s why it sucks so bad. Richie always has to make things weird.

“She keeps threatening to cut it when I’m sleeping,” Eddie says, his laugh vibrating against Richie. Stan snorts from where he’s staring down at his textbook. “But I like it like this, too. Makes me feel like a rockstar.”

And isn’t that just perfect? Just entirely adorable? You can’t blame Richie’s heart for stopping completely, only to come back beating even faster than before. He immediately feels ashamed, guilty. Disgusting. He has no right to think of Eddie as anything more than a friend. Pure, sweet, innocent Eddie who had his first kiss with his first friend. Who came out to his mom during a fight with fire in his eyes. Eddie. Beautiful Eddie.

Richie is Richie. He’s not even near being good enough.

He falls out of the hammock abruptly, making everybody look at him. Eddie stares at him with a concerned expression, offering a hand to help him back up. Richie doesn’t take it, instead choosing to bolt. It’s just like the Bill-and-Eddie incident again, because he ends up outside the arcade with sweat and tears all over him.

*

“I’m in love with Eddie.”

“I know, Richie.”

He glares at stupid, heartless Stan.

“Everyone knows, Richie,” Stan corrects, smirking slightly. “Have you kissed him yet?”

“No,” Richie says, grumpily. “Why would I?”

“Because you’re in love with him?”

They both fall silent. Is it really that simple? Richie thinks. “Is it really that simple?” he asks out loud.

Stan sighs and places a bookmark in his book. He leans forward on his elbows and looks at Richie. “Yes. You both like each other, you both want to kiss each other. It’s that simple.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because Bill had this exact conversation with Eddie already,” Stan says.

“Then why hasn’t Eddie kissed me?”

“Because he’s an idiot,” Stan explains fondly. “Look, Eddie had this plan... Now, don’t get jealous, but Eddie and Bill kissed. Twice.”

“I already knew that.”

Stan looks shocked for a moment, then continues. “Well, Eddie was telling Bill about his feelings for you, and Bill was all like, ‘He likes you back, don’t be nervous’ but Eddie was nervous anyway, so he says, ‘but I have no experience. What if I’m not good enough?’” Stan says all this with terrible imitations of their two friends. “which is when Bill kissed him, but then Eddie was still too nervous to make the first move. I mean, you haven’t even told everyone you’re gay yet. Officially, I mean.”

“I’m not gay,” Richie says. “I just like Eddie.”

“Well. You haven’t come out, then.”

Richie thinks about this for a while. Stan goes back to his book. After dinner at the Uris’, Richie says, “I’m gonna kiss him.”

Stan just stares at him. “Good for you.”

He plans it for a week. Richie will invite Eddie over on Friday, treat him to a homemade dinner (spaghetti) and try stealing some of his parent's wine to really add to the romantic atmosphere. Richie even prepares a speech, with a tearful confession and beautiful, movie-worthy conclusion. It’s perfect, except Richie is Richie and things never go to plan for guys like Richie.

On Wednesday, he asks Eddie to come to his after school on Friday. Bev overhears, accidentally invites herself too, and then Bill comes along as well, like an extension of her.

Richie can still work with it though. He’ll just have to cook them all dinner (maybe without the stolen wine) and then throw Bill and Bev out when Eddie’s in the shower or something. Eddie will come back out, looking soft in his winter pyjamas with pretty wet hair and tired eyes, and then Richie will go through with the confession part of the evening. Hopefully, they’ll get to the kissing part soon after. It’s time Richie finally gets to taste that minty, toothpaste mouth.

Except, Eddie comes back out of the bathroom in his day clothes and an apologetic look on his face instead. “I’m really sorry, Rich, but I gotta get home. My ma didn’t want me to sleepover, I got too much homework.”

Richie stares at his feet and screams into his pillow when Eddie leaves. His mother comes in and rubs his back, asking if he’s sick. Richie says yes if only so she won’t question him about the scattered palm cards on his bedroom floor.


	2. the love of my life is an idiot, an autobiography by one (exasperated) Eddie. K

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A newly familiar glint enters Richie eyes, one that Eddie recognises from when Richie had admitted to knowing about Bill kissing him. Jealousy, Eddie thinks a little cruelly.

_and I go and spoil it all by_

_saying somethin’ stupid like, i love you_

* * *

The thing about Eddie Kaspbrak is that he’s not an idiot. At least, he’s not most of the time. Realistically, Eddie knows that Richie likes him in the way that Eddie likes Richie. It’s obvious in the way they touch and talk, the affection for each other pours into each insult like a term of endearment. He notices the way Richie looks at him when they’re out swimming, his gaze heated, and the way Richie glared at Bill after that stupid kiss. So, he would be an idiot if he didn’t know.

Eddie is an idiot because he refuses to act on it. He’s known Richie for half his life, maybe longer, and is sure (in the deep, secretive part of his heart) that they knew each other in their past lives - not that he would ever admit that, because it sounds sappy and Eddie may be short but he’s not a softie. Seriously.

Okay, so. Eddie likes Richie, Richie likes him. They’re best friends, and Eddie doesn’t want to ruin anything by catching something as silly as fucking feelings. Feelings are for pussy’s, and Eddie is not a fucking—

“What did you just say?”

Greta glares at him, but Eddie stopped being afraid around girls the same time his hands started sweating around Richie. “I said, that Bucky-Beaver is a faggot.”

Maybe Eddie sees red. He would never hit a girl, but he sure comes close. Luckily, Greta’s gross gum and the school bell stops him. Instead, Eddie simply settles with, “You say shit like that again and I swear to God I’ll tell my ma your dad touched me in a pedophile way last time I went to the pharmacy.”

He leaves her before she can respond because Greta’s a bitch and a bully to everyone. She’s not even worth it, but Richie... He can be sensitive, sometimes. He’s good at hiding it, but Eddie is good at noticing him, so it wasn’t difficult to realise that the bullying does get to him. It does to everyone after a while but to Richie the most. Probably cause he just wants to make people laugh, but always ends up being the butt of the joke. Even the losers sometimes get annoyed by him (not Eddie, he just pretends to. He really does think Rich is funny) and don’t hesitate to tell him so.

What was he saying? Right. Eddie is no fucking softie, not even when it comes to Richie, so unless they’re both ready to fuck up a perfectly good friendship, he ain’t confessing anytime soon. Which kinda sucks, cause sometimes he just wants to kiss Richie’s ugly face for so long that his lips fall off. But, whatever. It’s not like he’s heartbroken over Richie’s apparent lack of interest in him or anything. He’s _not_.

“Stop doing monologues in your head,” Beverly says, her voice feminine and light. Eddie glares at her. “You wanna skip English and check out boys in the parking lot?”

After coming out, Eddie and Bev had grown a lot closer. Maybe not as much as Bev and Bill, or him and Richie, but still. At first, they had just bonded over oblivious boys, but then they realised they had a lot more in common than their attraction to handsome men.

“I have English with Richie, he’ll get worried,” Eddie says honestly, grabbing his books from his locker. Bev makes a disappointed sound. “We can hang out after school, as long as you promise not to smoke.”

She stuck out her tongue but agreed. Compromise, Eddie supposed.

In English, Eddie and Richie passed notes to each while Ben kept telling them to stop. Each one made Eddie’s stomach flutter slightly, but Richie started acting weird after Eddie asked some guy called Don for a pen, so they stopped. Eddie copied Ben’s notes, and Richie copied Eddie’s, so class was normal for the rest of the period. After, they all headed to lunch.

Mike and Stan were talking when they sat down at their usual table, while Bev and Bill were nowhere to be seen. Ben very obviously noticed and sulked about it, but Eddie wasn’t too fussed about two of their friends sneaking off to make out. He just started splitting his lunch up with Richie.

“Hey, um, do you wanna go to the clubhouse after school?” Richie asks quietly as if he doesn’t want the others to hear. Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Just to hang out and stuff.”

“I have plans after school,” Eddie says. He is a little disappointed though. He hasn’t gotten the chance to hang out with Richie alone for a while, though he almost had last Friday before Bev fucking cockblocked him and invited her stupid boyfriend along. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay.” Richie bites into his apple. He doesn’t sound okay. “Who are your plans with?”

Eddie narrows his eyes, and because he’s an idiot he says, “I don’t kiss and tell.”

A recently familiar glint enters Richie eyes, one that Eddie recognises from when Richie had admitted to knowing about Bill kissing him. Jealousy, Eddie thinks a little cruelly.

“Oh?” Richie asks flatly. “You finally getting some action? It’s about time, maybe we can have a foursome.”

Eddie doesn’t have to ask to know that the foursome would include his fucking mother - or rather fucking his mother. Ha, Eddie gets off a good one - so he just says, “Whatever, Tozier. At least I’ve had a kiss _to_ tell.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can talk yourself up all you want, tough guy, but we all know the only person your lips know is your dirty pillow.”

That was a little harsh.

“Fuck you! At least I didn’t have to sink low enough to beg my straight best friend to kiss me so I could have ‘practice’ for the real thing!”

Eddie stands up. Richie does the same. They keep bickering and only stop when Mike flings a bit of cafeteria food into Eddie’s hair.

*

Richie ends up apologising first, just before school finishes up for the day. He’s waiting at Beverly’s locker for her, and Richie just sidles up beside him and admits that Ben told him about what happened with Greta earlier. Eddie was never actually angry, considering he had started the argument in the first place, but sweet Richie was his favourite Richie so he won’t complain. In fact, he even offers him to come and hang out with them for the afternoon.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Richie replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m a bit busy with school work and stuff so...”

“That’s such a fucking lie,” Eddie said. “You literally invited me over earlier. What changed?”

Beverly arrives at that point, giving Richie the perfect opportunity to slink away so he doesn’t have to answer Eddie’s question. Fucking coward. “What a dickhead,” he says to fill the boring silence as they walk out of the school.

The redhead elbows him, grinning. “You know how some people hate fuck? You guys like, hate flirt.”

True, Eddie thought with a laugh of his own.

“Where are we going today?”

Bev shrugs and leads them in the direction to the arcade. He normally only ever goes there on dates-that-aren’t-actually-dates with Rich. “We’re going to the library, which is just across the arcade. You know a lot of geeks are actually hot if you get past the whole being a pervert thing.”

“Yeah, no,” Eddie says. “Is that actually why we’re going to the library? To check out guys that don’t deserve to be checked out?”

“No.” Beverly avoids his curious stare. “Ben asked me on a study date, but I brought you along so it didn’t feel like cheating on Bill.”

“You don’t even like Bill,” Eddie teases because she doesn’t, but he’s a constant in her life so she takes what she’s offered. “And a study date isn’t a real date, everyone knows that. Unless you kissed at the end, it wouldn’t be cheating.”

Eddie really hopes he didn’t miss out on hanging out with the love of his Goddamn life just to watch Mr Lovely and Miss Loquacious flirt over boring-ass American history. Of course, as soon as they arrive, he realises that he definitely did. Bev was a secret nerd on the inside, so Eddie isn’t sure why he’s even surprised.

That’s why he slips out a few minutes in, walking with a quick pace to Richie’s house that’s about a block away. The Tozier parents work on Monday afternoons, so he knows they can do whatever they want - preferably steal some wine because Richie had hinted at doing that last week and though Eddie doesn’t want liver poisoning at fifteen, he still wants to experience underage drinking at some point.

Richie doesn’t even ask what happened to his plans with Bev, instead just opening the door with an amused ‘Would’ve preferred your mom, but this will do’. Sometimes Eddie wonders how he managed to fall in love with the world’s biggest dumbass.

They grab two bottles of red wine from Maggie Tozier’s alcohol cabinet, drinking from one each until Richie finishes his and they start sharing Eddie’s. Eddie feels so flush with drink that he doesn’t even realise how close they are until Richie has a hand on his cheek and they’re kissing. It’s hot and it’s half-way to being gross, but it’s so _them_ that Eddie doesn’t complain. He only pulls away when he runs out of breath, taking a quick swig from the wine before pulling Richie back in.

Eddie ends up in Richie’s lap, red all over and a little bit embarrassed with each sound that escapes from his mouth. They kiss for what seems like hours but must have only been for a few minutes, because it’s still light when Eddie detaches himself from the beautiful boy below him.

Both of them are hard. Neither of them points it out. Richie is touching his lips like he’s in a bit of a daze. He probably is. “Do you wear lip-balm, Eds?” Richie asks after a while, his voice a little husky and wholeheartedly male.

“Obviously,” Eddie says and pulls the chapstick from his fanny pack. It’s orange flavoured. “Why?”

“Orange,” Richie echoes. “Huh, that makes sense.”

“What makes sense?” Eddie asks, confused and horny all at once. “Richie? Are you alright?”

He sighs when he realises Richie had fallen asleep. Normally Eddie would chuck a nearby blanket on him and start walking home, but his lips are still tingling with strange pleasantness that he’s not used to so he decides to cuddle up with Richie instead. He throws a blanket over both of them, pressing his head to Richie’s warm chest with a small, satisfied smile.

Eddie loves Richie. He’s loved him since he was seven and only knew love meant accepting the pills that his mummy gave him and crying when they visited his daddy’s grave. So maybe Eddie is actually the idiot for loving a guy like Richie - a guy who’s unpredictable and way too loud at the most inconvenient of times. Unreliable, too. But whatever, most people are pretty dumb in love nowadays anyway. At least he got to be loved back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed. my tumblr is @ojangel for anyone interested! x


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